I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
