When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
