This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
