What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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