So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
