dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
