Everything about him screamed your future.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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