you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
