Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sober January is a disaster.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
