arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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