there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You dont lie about slip and slides
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
