It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize