dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
