Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
