Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
