i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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