Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
