I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
