I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
