my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
