im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize