**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
