you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There r osticjed everywhere
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
