i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
