Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
