Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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