when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
