Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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