saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
