im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
