theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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