so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
