I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
