Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize