Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
