A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
