I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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