I swear god or herbie drove my car home
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
