is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
