He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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