I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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