Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
