i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sarcasm needs its own font
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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