Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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