I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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