Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
