Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
