my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
