she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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