I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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