Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
