u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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