Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
