I feel like abortions should bother me more
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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