She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
