I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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