They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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