My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
