We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
