just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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