Slut skills are useful in every country.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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