just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize