so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
