The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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