what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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