I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
