i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
