I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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