I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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