Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
