It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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