At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
