Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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