You really coming over, don't trick.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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