ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
