I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
