Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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